In my free time I knit sweaters, and by knit I mean kick, and by sweaters I mean babies.

God, I want all of this to stop. How i feel inside i just want it to quite. I want to go away and not come back for a while, to see that no one will notice my presants being gone. you see something and you just want it but no matter how much you try to obtain it you just cant, you fall short and bust your ass.  I know that i give up easly, well to easly at that.  i just want to leave this town and see if i can find the thing that i am looking for. its become lees of a want and more of a need these past few months.in which it makes me want to go away.

    I see my friends and god they make me happy to be with them but some times i just dont want to be with them because of how i am, well more like what i am.  I have more daemons then hell itself.

     i have this somewhat sence of reverse karma-you do something bad something bad will happen to you-well its more like a fucked up version, something incredibly good will happen to me and then something horrable will happen. It's like gods just playing one fucked up oke on my life. I wish it would all stop i wish that all the good memorys of my friends and the times we had, and the some small miniscule relationship i had would last forever. I'd admit for how small of a time i was with her i was happy for once, and normally happyness is just a put on for me just like my underwear. yeah funny whatever. so they say.

    I have been in a donward spiral of dispare for the past 10 years. i know im not that old but this depression seems to be there. i wish it would stop. they say that you can just change your emotions because its just a state of mind. well if i could id be happy. but i cant seem to change it no matter how hard i try. and sometimes i feel like im completly useless. i really have nothing muc to live for. my grades suck im not going to be able to get into socorro, and most of all i cant find happyness.FUCK!

I wish that i could die inside.

*nick*